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Selfish Love


“I’ve always been generous with my friends and family, with money, but selfish with the important stuff like love.” – Richard Pryor


All the people talking about love should be selfless.  But how can you love someone when you don’t even love yourself?  Also, how can you give when you can’t even take care of yourself?  Being selfish is not always bad, as long as you are not hurting anyone. You gotta learn to love yourself and the people around you.  I’ve met a lady who is devoting herself to charity work and helping others, but she neglects her own family and her own child.  If putting others before yourself and your own family is selfless, then I am sure damn selfish.

每個人都認為愛應該是無私的,但是如果你不懂得愛自己,你如何愛別人? 再者,你如果連自己都照顧不好了,你能給別人什麼?  自私從來不是件壞事,只要你沒有傷害任何人。你必須學會愛自己及愛你身邊的人。我曾經遇過一個女士,她全心投入與慈善單位在做志工幫助他人,但是她卻拋棄她的家人及漠視她自己的孩子。若無私的定義是把其他人置優先於自己及自己家人,那我絕對是自私的。

There’s an episode in Friends where Joey and Phoebe are arguing about if there is really such a thing as a selfless good deed. There are no selfless good deeds, I believe.  Everything happens for a reason, and every action is done with a purpose.  Most of us help others to make us feel good.  For me, I am doing it for my family, for my kids, and to make amends for my reckless past. There is a saying, “A little compassion is both the seed for cultivating virtue and the root for accumulating merits.” I don’t really care if our love started with a selfish reason, as long as our selfish good deeds go to the people in need.

我記得一個喜劇影集裡曾經出現過一個很哲學的問題,‶真的有無私的善舉嗎?” 我相信所有善行都非無私的。 所有事情的發生都是有原因的, 而所有行為都有他背後的目的。 我們大部分助人是因為會讓自己感覺喜悅, 對我來說, 我是為了家人、為了孩子,是在為過去的荒唐贖罪。 有句話是這麼說的, “一點慈悲, 不但是積德的種子, 亦是積福的根苗。” 所以我並不在乎我們的愛是自私的, 只要我們自私的善意能夠幫助到那些需要的人。

The movie Matrix came out with a new sequel while ago.  If you ever watched it, you know the story is about Neo “the one” who in the end sacrificed himself to save the reminding humankind.  But, if you look deep into the story, you will realize everything he did is for the love he has for Trinity.  It’s never about saving the whole humankind, it’s about a love story between Neo and Trinity.  Well, at least that’s how I see it!  My point is, love isn’t always selfless, and being selfish is not always a bad thing.


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